I was having a talk with one of my girls and it inspired me to share the advice with all of you. Social media has taken over our lives and meeting new people these days is done with a couple taps of your thumb. We aren’t really meeting people out places anymore, now we meet people through Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, etc, or even an app like Tinder, which specifically allows you to match with people whom have a mutual attraction to you. So the old dating rules of the girl waiting around on the guy have switched up. But not all of my lady friends are ready to commit to role reversals.
I find myself advising many of my girlfriends to go ahead and make the first move. Sadly, though we were raised being told to go after what we want (academically and professionally), we were never taught that if we liked a boy, well we should say so. Especially in the Latino culture where machismo still lives, not as strong and mighty as it used to be, but it still lives. There’s nothing wrong with stating your interest and making it clear.
I see this trend changing as I watch my teenage sister grow year by year. When I spoke to her the other day about what I want or don’t want in a relationship she told me, “I don’t understand you people, maybe because I’m young, but why can’t you just say what you want instead of assuming or expecting someone else to assume.” That’s when the light hit. That was a really grown moment for her. The craziest part is, this 14-year-old’s advice is the best advice I’ve heard in a long time. So let’s discuss, why don’t we feel comfortable stating what, or who, we want.
Most of our holding back is fear. Fear that maybe by stating what we want we are being too forward for someone’s liking. Fear that by putting ourselves out there we are at greater risk of getting heart broken. Fear that if we text or call first we’ll seem desperate. Fear that by asking a guy out we are losing our femininity.
One lesson I learned is you have to do the things that scare you, those are the things that help you grow. If you always stay in your comfort zone, you are never evolving into the best you that you can be. And we all know that facing a fear can be empowering. These are enough reasons to make you whip out your phone and send the first message. But I’ll continue giving you the nudge anyways.
I’ve learned from my dating here and there not to let these fears hinder meeting new people. So what’s the worst that can happen if you go book the guy instead of waiting for him to book you? The absolute worst is you get turned down, in which case, obviously you two wouldn’t mesh, cross him off the list. The second worst, you get ignored. Let’s be real, you’ve ignored a guy or two in the past as well. The burn of being ignored will wear off as soon as a couple hours passes by and you forgot you even did the reaching out first. And the third worst scenario would be going on the date and hating it. We all need to learn how to date one way or another, so hating a date will let you know what you don’t like about someone and what you’d like to find in the next person you go out on the town with.
Dating, good or bad, helps you build your standards and learn about yourself. By going on dates, I figured out the deeper things I’m looking for in a partner. I must say, I haven’t regretted any date I’ve asked a guy out on. Whether it blossomed into more than one date or not, at least it helped me be a better date for the next guy I ask out. And with every date, I feel a little more prepared for my date with destiny, whenever he shall arrive in my life!
Don’t hesitate, call the guapo that you’ve been thinking about and plan a date to see him. Ladies first!