4 Ways Not To F*** Up Mother’s Day

Cinco de Mayo is easy to celebrate, the marketing gods have made it so. You buy a couple Coronas, dab that margarita glass in salt, and gulp away. It’s literally mindless. But there’s another holiday that creeped up on us, like way too fast. Mother’s Day.

Last year in my house Mother’s Day was a disaster. We all had fault minus the matriarch. My mami was pissed that her Mother’s Day felt so thoughtless, arguments broke out, and we ended up doing nada but fighting. Her biggest argument was that she didn’t even have a card waiting on her to wake up. My bad.

I’m honestly so not mushy when it comes to ‘special’ gifts. I start brainstorming gift ideas for Christmas in late October because it takes me just that long to figure out the right gift. Everyone drops hints about what they’d like to be gifted to them but those fly right over my head. Unless you physically show me something and say I WANT IT, I’m clueless.

I’m working on this problem.

So this year my sister brought to my attention, “What are we doing for Mother’s Day, remember last year? We gotta get it right.”

Shit.

The past few weeks amidst the end of an internship, reporting and writing for my final feature of this NYU grad course, and trying to squeeze in a mediocre amount of time to hit the gym for a boost of those things called endorphins, I’ve also been flexing my brain to think up some good ways to make my mami feel ‘special’ this year.

Here’s what I got (in case you’re bad at this too):

A CARD. This year I will not forget a greeting card. It’s the simplest part of a gift, but the one I forget to every time. As a matter of fact, I’m scouting for one of those obnoxiously large cards just to make the point that I’m trying here.

THE MEAL. Breakfast in bed would have been my saving grace last year. Except that my mother is the first one up, and I’m a morning person but she still has me beat. But I’m a graduate student with a ton of debt, so taking the family out to a restaurant isn’t within my means. Want to make it all emotional and sappy like mom’s want? Make her the first meal she taught you how to cook. It might be the simplest meal but when you tell her the thought behind it, she’ll be weak in the knees with adoration for ya. Plus anytime she doesn’t have to cook, it feels like a holiday to her!

An INSTAGRAM COLLAGE. Let’s be real, it’s not a celebration until there’s a collage on Instagram to prove it. If your mom is on social media like mine is, she’ll appreciate the public shout out. My mami calls likes ‘hits’ and she loves knowing how anything with her in it does in terms of said ‘hits’ when it goes up.

THE GIFT. Never get a mom stuff for the house on Mother’s Day. It’s like saying, “Hey I really like how good the house smells so here’s some more of your favorite candles!” Fail. Moms appreciate an experience that differs from their everyday lives. If your mom is a stay at home, get her out of the house! If your mom is an out-of-home workaholic, find her some relaxing activities. My mom and I love anything entertainment. So I’m thinking some tickets to see our favorite Dancing With The Stars brother/sister duo might do the trick. Told you I’m trying to pick up on the hints!

If you can get it together, like I hope I’m able to this year, you’re going to give mami a million reasons why she’s grateful to have put up with you all these years!

Who Could Be The Next Gloria Estefan?

Come on shake your body baby do the conga, wait for Gloria Estefan’s broadway show you won’t have to do much longer! 

The DAILY NEWS reported yesterday that the musical based on Gloria Estefan is set to hit Broadway as soon as 2015. Not only do we get to see her trajectory played out on the stage, but we also get a reality show out of the deal too. Since reality TV and competitions marry so nicely, the show will feature the hunt for actresses to portray Estefan.

While they get on that, I have a few suggestions for Latinas I’d like to see play Estefan, if they wanted to give a wack at Broadway and I had it my way.

Selena Gomez

Come on, don’t tell me you don’t see a little resemblance? Dot a beauty mark under her right eye and have her whip her hair to create a little extra poof and there you have it, mini Gloria Estefan.

Demi Lovato

Lovato can evoke deep and dark emotions as she’s shown us in her music video for Skyscraper, for example. Estefan went through a rough recovery after nearly dying in a car crash back in the 90’s. If there’s a Latina that can tap into the emotions involved when overcoming a hardship that brings your career to a hault, it’s my girl Demi. Plus Lovato’s got pipes!

Becky G

The singer/rapper on the uprise would nail this. Talk about a relentless strive for success. Becky G is young and fierce and comfortable with who she is. She’s covered JLo’s Jenny from the Block with her own Becky from the Block, so we already know she’s not scared to tap into the greats!

Photo courtesy of @iambeckyg instagram

Selena Gomez Breaks Up With The Jenners

BREAKING NEWS! Well, it was a few days ago anyways. Earlier this week Perez Hilton reported that Selena Gomez unfollowed her besties Kylie and Kendall Jenner on Instagram. And to throw salt in the wound, she also got rid of their selfie shots together. OUCH. This is exactly how it goes down in most relationships that end badly, so algo serio must have happened. It got me thinking about the mentality of unfollowing on social media. Because it’s definitely a thing now. It’s a statement with purpose.

Whenever I have an amiga who’s relationship is on the rocks–or completely over–they always come to me asking, “should I unfollow him on Twitter & Insta and unfriend him on Facebook?” My answer is almost always, YES. Many people would argue that this is immature and unnecessary. I say there’s just no way around it.

Social media allows everyone to show who they want the world to see them as, and oftentimes after a breakup or fallout (this can happen with friends too) it’s used as a tool to hurt the other half of the broken relationship. If you’re broken hearted, or just hurt, swiping up and down a feed full of subliminal messages via memes, gifs, photos, or just words, will only cause more heartache.

Everyone’s fear is always that the unfollowee will think less of you when they realize you are no longer keeping tabs on their every public move. The thing is, the act of unfollowing isn’t about them or what they think, it’s about you. The real purpose of moving forward on this is to give yourself peace of mind and actual space to move on. With the constant suffocation of knowing what they’re up to, the time you’re suppose to spend healing is actually spent pining over their posts. You’ll overthink the meaning of their every social media move and suddenly you’re not in a relationship with them, but you are with their feed. In the end, you’re the only one losing and with every subtweet they post, you’re practically getting broken up with over and over again.

I’ve deleted/unfollowed a guy and friend or two. Did I ever regret it? Nope. Why? Because I got to move along with my life and not have to be an outsider watching theirs play out without me. So if Miss Gomez had a falling out with her gal pals and decided to excommunicate them from her social media life, I say, do it boo! And if you need to do the same with tu ex novio, I’ll back you up.

Challenge: Give The Nice Guy A Standing Chance

The one who doesn’t call. The one who won’t invite you on a date. The one who’s too busy. The one who only texts you after midnight. The one who asks you to pay. The one who insults you. The one who embarrasses you in public. The one who incessantly tweets about hoes. The one who only wants to see you once a week. The one who classifies women as side chicks and main chick. The one with two cell phones. The one who knows he’s attractive. The one who only wants to sext you.

Ok so you get it. It’s the guy that’s caused us all, at least once, to ruin a pillow case (or two) with an artistic smear of mascara, eyeliner, snot, and tears. Can you tell I’m speaking from experience? Though I hope no poor soul has had to deal with all of these qualities packed into one bad guy because they don’t make enough pillow cases canvas all that artwork. Unfortunately, this is the guy we pine over. We just can’t get enough of him and his bad ass ways.

While the bad ass keeps treating you, well… bad, the good guy is in the shadows annoyed as shit that you’re wasting so much of each other’s time. Because guess what, you aren’t going to marry the bad ass. The bad ass won’t be a good father to your children. He won’t be home for dinner every chance he gets. He won’t think up the most romantic proposal which will become a viral hit. Nah. That’s what the good guy does. And while you’re off galavanting, on a high from the one night the bad guy has offered you, someone else is getting ready to snatch up your good guy.

I had this back up plan since high school. This guy friend, much too nice for me to ever give the time of day back then, and I would talk here and there. I knew that whoever became his future had a bright and loving one ahead. My best friend and I would joke over the idea that I should consider him marriage material in the future, should I find myself looking for a suitable mate. My plan was, if nothing panned out how I’d imagine, I’d stick with him. Now I’m not suggesting settling, that’s something else we’ll get into in a future post, but he was the good guy I was sure I would need and some day be able to appreciate.

He would plan dates and I would cancel last minute. I once showed up to one of our dates in sweatpants. Yes, sweatpants. Rude, I know, I know! All the while, I didn’t realize I was pushing him further out of my plan and smack dab in the center of another lucky lady’s. He was a gentleman and I was in college dying to be treated like shit.

Recently he got into a relationship. I always took those as jokes, since he’d been in and out of a few over the years we knew each other and because he’d always come back to me. This girlfriend, however, seemed different. Something felt more concrete, and suddenly I wanted to vomit. There it was, my go-to good guy, swept off his feet by a woman who was ready, before me, to accept all of his goodness. Not that I think I would have ended up with him, but you know when the opportunity is no longer there is when you want it most.

The whole debacle gave me far too much angst. I couldn’t continue to make a joke of the good guys knowing how this played out.

So with that, I’m challenging myself to open up to the good guys. Let them take me on a date without me showing up in sweats or canceling. Let them say sweet things to me without me embarrassing them for doing so. Let me not ruin their efforts, or worst, friend zone them, before they even get a chance to show themselves. Maybe then, I’ll fall for the good guy.

The Challenge: Go on a date with that really nice guy that’s asked you out more than three times and who you’ve repeatedly denied. Maybe you won’t like him or… maybe you will?

 

Abuelita Worries

I was so grateful that I was going to get a week to spend with my abuelita, I call her Buelz, though it was not under the best circumstances. However, it was an opportunity to bond like we used to when I was little and she helped raise me. College and jobs took over my life, and that left little free time to dedicate to showing Buelz some fun. Now I finally had a week to spend making newer memories with Buelz. But then it hit, less than 24 hours into our one on one bonding–the typical ‘abuelita worries’ questions started piling on. You see, Latin grandmas of her generation were brought up under the culture where the woman was domesticated, and sadly expected to do JUST that, be domesticated. Although my Buelz is proud that I am a college grad and a hard worker, she won’t be fully satisfied until I tell her the magic words “tengo un novio” or “me voy a casar.”

My parents raised me to aim for the stars, that any goal I had in mind was possible, and that those goals should be my primary focus. But my grandmother’s generation believes that letting those goals override the search for a husband is ME messing up my priorities. For me, falling in love is not a top priority, it’s actually not even in the top 3 of my list. Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to get married someday and have children, but not now. When I explained this to my grandma she said, “Ay no, tu estas mal, ya tu estas de edad para enamorarte y casarte.”

In fact, she was distraught when I broke the news to her that the boyfriend and falling in love wouldn’t happen anytime soon. So much so, that she even took to the guilt trip methods saying, “Yo quiero que te cases y tengas un bebe antes de que me muera y despues no puedo ver tu marido ni bebe.” Yes, Latin grandmas know how to give one hell of a guilt trip. I don’t blame her for this, it’s how she was raised, it’s all she knows.

The urgency she has for me to ‘domesticate’ myself, creates an urgency for me to purposely break through those gender roles. I have always stood firm in taking action to break the Latino gender roles in my family, it’s the only way to progress the culture and allow my children to grow up equal to one another even though the culture wants them separated by gender. I focused countless college papers on the institution that is Latino gender roles.

All of that said, I love Buelz, wouldn’t trade her for the world. It is important to listen to old people, they are wiser than we will ever be. They have been through what we have yet to experience. They have failures and successes that we could afford to hear. Listen to them, learn from them, and grow from them. Every time she pressures me about enamorandome, I am reminded how desperate I am to make sure my daughter and her daughter never experience that pressure from me or anyone else in our Puerto Rican family. If it wasn’t for the lessons my grandmother taught me about life as a domesticated Latina, I would not be so inclined to pursue a successful career first and foremost.

I would like to leave all my intelligent and fiery Latinas with this: If Abuelita throws the hard hits about your marital status non stop, let it fuel your drive for more, for you are much more capable than your ability to find a man! And who says you can’t run the world AND be domesticated? 😉

Couch Correspondent: 2013 BET Awards

This will be the first of many Couch Correspondent posts to come. Award show nights are my favorite nights throughout the year, mostly because of how comedic my Twitter timeline gets with all the commentary. I’m kicking off Couch Correspondent with the 2013 BET Awards, so here’s my commentary. I look forward to the dialogue we will all partake in, with many more award shows yet to come, as I continue to grow the blog!

1. The Mani Cam Gone Wrong. Come on, nobody thought about the glare? This is a pre-show for the television viewers, and no one considered that perhaps showing off intricate designs on nailbeds via a framed screen would not exactly be easy on the eyes for us on this side of the TV? The mani cam is a great idea to borrow from E!’s Red Carpet coverage, but E! got it right the first time. So if you’re going to borrow an idea, borrow it the right way. I can appreciate that they tried to remake the idea, but instead we ended up with not a damn clue what was so special of the mani’s!

2. Chris Tucker tucked me right into bed. There’s no dount Chris Tucker had his time to shine in the business of funny, but that ship has sailed, and with it sailed my interest on many occassions when Chris took the stage and the mic. His stint as the host of the awards consisted of him scanning the crowd for a familiar face to inspire a joke out of him. Yes we respect when there’s no script to follow, pero no nos gusta watching someone struggle for a funny. Then there was the long period of time where he disappeared and by the time he took the stage again, I had even forgotten we had a host!

3. Miguel wins the R&B Pop award. What is R&B Pop?

4. Don’t Mess with Gabby. Gabby Douglas accepted her Young Star Award looking so classy, I dared people on my timeline to find something to pick on. She looked stunning and her arms reminded me I should probably make my way to the gym sometime soon.

5. Meagan Good God. Presenting the Gospel Award in a dress mami would smack you for leaving the house in, was Ms. Good. This J.Lo type dress exposed all the goodies God gifted her with. We’ll just leave that at that.

6. Charlie Last Name Wilson. Charlie’s songs melt our hearts, but this tribute performance lit us up completely! By far the best performance of the entire show, and of course we couldn’t help but drool over tailored-to-perfection JT and Pharrell’s ankle baring get up. Snoop is just too cool for me to say he was out of place. Charlie worked his moves and showed us he still got it!

7. Then we had a body party with Ciara. And boy did that body party get 50 shades hot and heavy. We see Future is winning. We’re all losing because we don’t have Ciara abs and legs when drop down and twirl it. She’s definitely not the prototype for a Latina body, but if Latinas wanted to be slender, we’d probably want to have her bod.

Tweet with me in the future during the shows at @katerinatorres & @quelatinablog !

Devious Maids: For Us or Against Us?

Over several weeks I have read the backlash surrounding the new show on Lifetime, Devious Maids. The Latino community is in constant search of representation in the mainstream. We all want to see a familiar looking person on our small screen, big screen, hear them through our headphones on our iPods. So what is the issue with a show starring five Latinas? There is none.

I have read the blogs and the tweets, and I have seen the first episode for myself, and in full disclosure this is my (one Latina’s) opinion. It is selfish to use the voice of the whole Latino community to crucify a show’s existence, which is why I am expressing this blog as solely my opinion.

The biggest issue seems to be the occupation that was given to the Latina stars of the new series, maids. First, let me state that by being so ‘outraged’ by the fact that a career in service is what has been chosen as their occupation, is demonstrating in fact that there is something wrong with being a maid. But enter an affluent neighborhood, and tell me that there are no service people keeping the homes in pristine conditions. Being a maid es un trabajo de servicio, and many of us hold service jobs, I have held plenty of them myself. It is disrespectful to those who have chosen a field of service, to think that basing a series around that occupation is beneath us. Secondly, I would like to be clear, that as a Latina, I am aware that many Latinas and Latinos are hard-working people, many times in the service fields. I do not choose to be arrogant to the realities of our community. Sure there are other races, ethnicities that hold the same occupation, but for this series, Latinas were chosen, and I for one am delighted to see a series centered around Latinas, their relationships, their truths and their lies, their joys and their pains, and the passion that drives their motives.

The frustration that has caused controversy with Devious Maids is rooted in the lack of Latino presence on the small screen. This is the first show where we see a cast with a Latina filling every main role, and this is why it is being held on this pedestal. We ask for more Latinas/Latinos on TV, but then we judge the content that is offered to us. I agree with Eva Longoria, the producer of the new series, when she states the claim that this is television, and if we lack viewership for a series based on Latinas, then we are not helping grow Latino-based programming.

So I propose that we remove ourselves from excessive judgment of a television show, and just enjoy it for what it is, a source of entertainment. And let’s not discourage the Latina actresses and producer who have worked hard to grant us this series, let’s encourage their orgullo for their work. This could be the start of a string of shows con tremendas Latinas!

Curly Hair Chuckles

 

With Summer starting to hit full blown very soon, I know my girls are starting to feel the curly hair pains. Humidity is a curly-haired mami’s worst nightmare, it’s hard to tame the mane when the weather is against you. I usually let my hair be naturally curly when it’s raining or humid because a blow out simply will not last, but curly hair has its moments as well. I had to post these funny curly hair ecards and relatable posts because I know all my Latinas feel my pain when it comes to this. I’ll be sharing my special tips on how to tame the mane in the future! For now enjoy a laugh at the expense of mufasa (yeah that’s what I call my hair).

the maxi dress for women…and men!

Maxi dresses are a women’s best friend and a man’s weakness. As the weather se sigue calentando, comfort and coolness is what us mujeres look for in clothing. That’s where the maxi dress comes in. Made to flow effortlessly over Latinas’ curves, the maxi dress can catch and most definitely hold a man’s glare.

When the weather starts warming up, you hear men everywhere commenting how excited they are to see the maxi dresses making their debut. Countless guys have told me that the maxi dress is their favorite article of clothing for chicas to whip out in the summer months. It is the staple of the season changing. So here are some tips on how to wear the maxi dress todo el verano. I learned how to wear the maxi for my Latina curvy and thick body through trial and error, so spare yourself the try-ons and take-offs, and use these tips!

Stripes
Stripes can be flattering or bad news.
If you are a thick and with it mamasota avoid stripes on your full-figure.
For a slimmer hourglass figure, stick to thin stripes.

Pair With A Jean Jacket or Vest
Want a way to wear the maxi into the cool summer nights? A jean jacket will always go well with a maxi. If you want to dress down the maxi during the day, pairing it with a jean vest will add a casualness to this comfy go-to.

Wedges or Sandals
Wedges are a great way to make a comfy maxi a little more formal. They also help if you are a petite chica and always find the maxi dress to be too long and must beg mami or abuela to help you hem it.
Sandals can often be swallowed up by the length of a maxi, so try to go with a very strappy gladiator or a sandal embellished with tons of chunky rhinestones, this way they’ll stand out beneath the length of the maxi.

Latinas’ Lean In Debate

The following for Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In does not seem to be dwindling down anytime soon. In fact, with the addition of Lean In Circles, the number of women ‘leaning in’ continues to grow. I recently read a response from a Latina to Sandberg’s suggestion to lean in, and it left me feeling a little disappointed in the passion of Latinas.

Sandberg advises women, all women, not women of a particular race, but all women, to take charge of their professional growth. As women, we have numerous stereotypes we have to overcome, and as Latinas we have that much more of these to put down. A Latina’s response, suggested that by taking Sandberg’s advice, we would, as Latinas, live up to the stereotype of ‘bitchy’ or ‘needy’ or ‘excessively demanding.’

If we want to break down the stereotypes and gender roles set for us within the Latino/a community, then we must allow ourselves to be criticized, we can’t hold back. By taking the burden of shattering stereotypes in order to advance our women, we are able to create progress in our culture, and lay a clearer road to success for the Latina youth. Because of the nurturing nature that women, especially Latinas, are raised to have, we have allowed these guidelines to trace the path for us instead of forging a fast route to success by stepping over the guidelines and drawing up our own.

Of course when you become an assertive Latina in the workplace you may hear commentary such as, “Look at her, demanding so much, typical Latin woman.” But when you put aside the fear of criticism, and take charge, you will get ahead, you will help other Latina women know it is OK to be demanding, because after all, that is Sheryl Sandberg’s message for ALL women, we are not demanding enough. And maybe being demanding is a stereotype we should own.